My Journey- Part 3

My Fear...

O.H.I.O.  Yep, that’s what I said.  Ohio… just let it sink it in for a while. 

Here’s where I am, where I was and everything in between. 

Back in May when Matt first approached me with the job opening I immediately said “no”.  I didn’t ask questions, I didn’t look at it, I just said no.  Ohio was the last place I wanted to be.  I had spent 5 ½ years in middle school and high school trying to get OUT of Ohio.  Then I thought about it and I wasn’t really being fair.  Matt hated that he wasn’t home more, he was trying so hard to spend more time with Caylee and I…. the least I could do was look.  So I did.  At the same time, I knew the complications we’d face moving up there and I knew the stress it would have on me so I began to pray… hard.  I also told some friends and they began to pray.  I so wanted Matt and I to have One Heart and One Way like the verse in Jeremiah. 

“I will give them one heart and one way that they might fear me forever for their own good and for the good of their children after them.” (Jer 32:39).

So we began to seek out the Lord and to continue to follow this job lead.  It led to a visit up in Ohio over Memorial Day Weekend.  The visit was fine.  The vet was very nice.  Matt really enjoyed the time he spent at the clinic.  The hours offered were supposedly going to be much better for our family.  I was not fond of the area.  There is really nothing up in that part of Ohio except corn fields, soy bean fields and more of that.  But, everything was falling into place…. Everything except my heart.

That Memorial Weekend opened up many of the expected fears and complications I knew we’d face if we moved up to Ohio.  While the visit was great, things were a mess.  But Matt stayed strong and held his ground against some of the issues arising and really showed me that this move was only about 2 things: 1. Spending more time with Caylee and I and 2. Him being happy in his job.  The move wasn’t about anyone else or anything else and the expectations from others that we will face are not ours to live up to. 

I continued studying and praying throughout the month of May and through the story of David, Saul and their relationship, God revealed some pretty important things to me.  This really helped calm me down and really gave me a much more open mind.  God’s word and the fact that Matt had been such a defender of me and the choices we have made in raising Caylee was a great source of relief to me.  We were still waiting for the official offer to see if it would really be worth it. 

It was.

Trust me it wasn’t/isn’t all about money either because in this case we are making several trade offs.  But the biggest deal is that Matt will be home- we hope.  With us.  Every weekend.  This is important.  We have so much we want to do with Caylee, so much we want to do with each other, so much we want to teach her together.  The 3 of us. 

Thus begins our journey north.  To the cold.  To the small town life.  To whatever God has for us there.